Joan Rivers Quotes

A child can be taught not to do certain things, such as touch a hot stove, pull lamps off of tables, and wake Mommy before noon.
- Joan Rivers

Joan Rivers Quotes - Making Love Quotes

Joan Rivers Quotes - Making Love Quotes

I said to my husband, "Why don’t you call out my name when we are making love?"
He said, "I don’t want to wake you up."
- Joan Rivers


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Joan Rivers Quotes

I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.
- Joan Rivers



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Joan Rivers Quotes

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
- Joan Rivers


Henny Youngman Quotes
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Henny Youngman Quotes

Heart Attack - Joan Rivers Quotes

I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.
- Joan Rivers

Funny Quotes - Mother-In-Law

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ``Get the hell off my property.'
- Joan Rivers

Flabby Thighs

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
- Joan Rivers

Joan Rivers Quotes

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
- Joan Rivers